We’ve already dived into emotional resonance in two earlier blogs.
First, Riding Others’ Emotional Waves explored how we’re constantly swimming in emotional connections—feeling the crowd’s buzz at the football, tuning into a friend’s heartbreak, or absorbing someone’s bad mood when they storm into the room.
Then, in Navigating Emotional Currents, we tackled how to use mindful awareness to spot and gently release absorbed emotions before they run the show.
At the end of that piece, I teased that Mindful Representations take this even further. They do this in 4 ways:
- Mindful Reps widen our circle of Empathy so that is is easier to relate to peopele completely different to ourselves.
- Mindful Reps give us a lot of practice in deliberately letting go of abosrbed emotions.
- Mindful Reps anable us to reclaim lost parts of ourselves
- Mindful Reps address long term entanglements where we have been carrying feelings that belong to our parents or other ancestors.
Here’s where we dig into how they work.
Mindful Representations
In these workshops. without even trying, we find ourselves syncing up with the person we’re representing, regardless of how different their life might be from ours.
Picture a rugged, straight guy suddenly grasping the inner world of a gay Asian man, or a self-described ‘woke’ individual stepping into the shoes of an older white man who’s always misunderstood.
It’s not just role-play; it’s empathy on steroids—broadening and deepening our understanding of others.
Hidden Parts of Ourselves
And here’s the twist—these roles don’t just build empathy; they reveal parts of ourselves we’d tucked away. One white participant was cast as an Aboriginal man ousted from his ancestral land. Little did the group know that this man had recently been wrestling with his own newly discovered Aboriginal heritage.
Immersing himself in the role didn’t just connect this man to the story. It reawakened deep connection with nature and enabled him to embrace his reclaim his roots and his sense of belonging
Unexpected Role Reversal
Mary later found this role helped her in the most unexpected way. She was a driven businesswoman who provided stellar services but barely made a profit because she hesitated to negotiate firmly.
After embodying this callous perpetrator, she tapped into a more assertive side when sealing deals—suddenly valuing her own worth. It was as if she kept the useful bits from the perpetrator’s mindset and left the rest behind.
In short, stepping into someone else’s shoes—even the most surprising pair—can spark empathy and reveal latent parts of our own identity, helping us grow in ways we never imagined.
A Surprising Benefit
Mary later found this role helped her in the most unexpected way. She was a driven businesswoman who provided stellar services but barely made a profit because she hesitated to negotiate firmly.
After embodying this callous perpetrator, she tapped into a more assertive side when sealing deals—suddenly valuing her own worth. It was as if she kept the useful bits from the perpetrator’s mindset and left the rest behind.
In short, stepping into someone else’s shoes—even the most surprising pair—can spark empathy and reveal latent parts of our own identity, helping us grow in ways we never imagined.
Stepping Out of Emotional Resonance
Mindful Representations don’t just help us step in—they help us step out. Imagine soaking in a mud bath. It might be soothing or downright unpleasant, but either way, you’ll want to rinse off.
Often, the simple act of leaving the role—stepping away, stretching, or even a quick shake-out—helps shed those sticky emotions. A skilled facilitator, grounded in mindfulness, can guide this process with physical stretches, rituals, or breathing exercises to clear residual emotions.
As we get the hang of this in workshops, we become sharper at recognising and releasing absorbed emotions in our daily lives.
Long Term Emotional Confusion
Sometimes we carry more than just our own baggage—we lug around our family’s emotional suitcases, too. This long-term emotional confusion arises when one person unwittingly adopts another family member’s feelings, often inherited before we were even born.
Because it’s so old and ingrained, it feels normal—but make no mistake, it can cause all the same headaches as unrecognised, short-term emotional resonance.
This might sound a bit far out but there is now an entire body of research on intergenerational and transgenerational trauma that demonstrates how trauma can be passed down the generations. This happens:
- psychologically by affecting the traumatised person’s parenting,
- socially by shaping the attitudes of large groups who have been traumatised together in wars and natural disasters and
- biologically by altering how genes are passed down via a process called epigenetics.
We often carry the old family feelings that don’t really belong to our own individual experience. They are so old and familiar, we barely notice them —until we’re stuck in a loop of mismatched reactions. You know that friend who’s perpetually grumpy at everyone? Chances are, they’re still carrying a suitcase of feelings and reactions packed by someone else.
A Lingering Illusion
The problem is, we try to fix these second-hand emotions as if they’re our own. Sad? We reach for comfort. Angry? We look for someone to blame.
But the real culprit might be buried grief from Dad’s childhood, or Grandma’s unspoken resentment. I once met a young man whose drug addiction masked grief he’d unknowingly inherited from his father’s loss—a silent weight he didn’t even realise he was carrying
Trouble Beneath the Surface
These emotional hand-me-downs can wreak havoc. But once we spot them, we can start returning them—respectfully, of course—to their rightful owners. During a mindful representation, the young man symbolically gave back his father’s grief. The sadness lifted instantly. His relationship with his dad improved, and he was left with only his own emotions to handle—which responded much better to support.
Summary
Emotional resonance is part of our everyday human experience—fueling group unity and deeper empathy. Most of the time, our instincts handle it brilliantly. But like any powerful force, it can land us in trouble if we’re not careful.
We might get worn-out from too much empathy, wind up carrying someone else’s emotions, find ourselves stuck in long-term family entanglements, or even suffer vicarious trauma. Large-scale “trauma cultures” can also drag us under if we’re not equipped to navigate those tides.
Luckily, there’s a lifeboat—mindfulness. By learning a few simple techniques, we can figure out which feelings belong to us and which have drifted our way from others. Here are the key practices:
- Daily Mindful Breath Awareness
Keep it up long enough for the golden moment to emerge. That is the precious moment between trigger and reaction where we can choose our response. - Mindful Check-Ins and Transitions
A quick scan of body and mind before stepping into intense situations gives us a better read on what’s coming from us versus them. - Body Awareness of Emotions
By recognising our emotions by their physical cues, we reduce knee-jerk reactions. - Spotting Absorbed Emotions
If anger flares up out of nowhere when a colleague walks in, maybe it’s their anger you’re picking up. - Making Sense of Absorbed Emotions
With a dash of intellectual empathy, you can figure out why they’re feeling that way—letting you respond with care and clarity. - Letting Go of Absorbed Emotions
Watch the sensations in your body shift and fade, especially if you avoid feeding the emotion with extra stories.
Mindful Representation Work elevates all these skills. It helps you:
- Widen your circle of empathy.
- Let go of absorbed emotions
- Reclaim the parts of yourself you’ve ignored or buried.
- Address those long-term emotional tangles that emerge when one family member shoulders another’s feelings.
In the long run, you’ll boost your empathy without burning out, handle intense emotional settings with grace, and sidestep the hazards of trauma-heavy environments. Best of all, you’ll be free to tap into your own creativity and identity—while still enjoying the thrill of belonging to a group or family. Think of it as becoming a master surfer, riding the waves of emotion without wiping out.
Reflection Prompt:
As you reflect on your own experiences with emotional resonance, consider:
- What feelings might you be carrying that don’t truly belong to you?
- How can you start distinguishing between your emotions and those inherited or absorbed?
- What family or cultural stories have shaped how you relate to your emotions?
- In what ways can stepping into another’s role—whether through mindful representations or simple empathy—help you rediscover hidden parts of yourself?
Consider journalling your answers or discussing them in a supportive setting to deepen your insight and awareness.
Dancing The Ancestral Tangle
Imagine a giant, tangled ball of multicoloured threads.
Each thread represents a different emotion, passed down from parents, grandparents, and even society.
Some threads are vibrant and clear. Others dull and knotted.
Now, picture your hand reaching into this mass and gently teasing out one thread—your thread.
As you follow it back to its source, you feel the tension easing, the knots loosening, and the weight lifting.
This visual represents the process of recognising and letting go of absorbed emotions, creating space for your authentic feelings to shine through.